


First Steps

by orphan_account



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-14
Updated: 2011-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-23 17:55:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something's bothering Nick but he's unwilling to talk about it, until his nightmares wake up Cody one too many times</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> by Morgan MacCarin & Tara MacKenzie

Cody Allen stared across the table, studying the bowed head of his best friend. Something had upset the man, but nothing he'd tried had convinced Nick Ryder to explain the problem.

For a few days Cody thought it must be something he'd done that had upset Nick, but as time passed, and Nick's mood grew steadily darker, he'd realized that something else was eating at the man. Nick simply didn't hold a grudge that long without exploding.

When he really thought about it, Nick's funk had started on Monday morning, three days after the doctor had released Cody from the hospital -- the weekend still a blur of painkillers and rented videos.

But by Monday he'd felt better, and had even ventured out to visit Sheila. Nick had driven him, but had been quiet and withdrawn. Tuesday morning Murray had left for his High-Q retreat and they'd spent the day doing their own chores, only speaking a little. Wednesday he and Nick said less than ten words to each other.

And it looked like Thursday was going to end the same way.

What was bothering Nick? The accident, Sheila, the shootout? _One of them has to be the problem_ , Cody reasoned. _But which one?_

Physically, he knew he'd be fine in a couple of weeks. Sheila was in a psychiatric hospital, and the bad guys were in jail. _So what's the problem?_ he demanded silently of the man.

With nothing better to do, Cody poured himself a cup of coffee. _One way or the other, he's got to talk about it sooner or later or I'm going to kill him_ , he decided. _And now's as good a time as any._

The salon lights were off, a concession to the dark mood that filled the boat. The effect was enhanced further by another dreary winter day in Southern California. Sparse sunlight filtered in the windows from behind gray-black clouds, reflecting off Nick's dark brown hair.

 _Nick Ryder is a very handsome man_ , Cody concluded after studying his partner for several minutes. _Not that I'm a slouch myself._

But there was something compelling about Nick that he couldn't put his finger on. Women often told Cody that it was his sharp features that made him so attractive. But with Nick it was something else; a little boy vulnerability that he couldn't hide, no matter how hard he tried.

"Hey, Nick, what do you say we head over to Straightaway's for supper and a couple of beers?"

Nick's head rose, blue eyes regarding Cody thoughtfully. "I'm not hungry, but thanks. You go ahead."

"Ah, come on, Nick. Why don't you tag along and keep me company? With Murray off on that High-Q retreat, it's a little too quiet around here."

Nick mumbled something, but he stood and trailed after Cody.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Four empty beer bottles sat in front of Nick's untouched plate, a sure sign that something big was wrong.

Cody watched as the brunet poked at the pile of cold French fries on his plate. "You plan on eating those?"

"Huh?"

Cody leaned over, his voice low as he said, "Come on, Nick, I've seen you in a lot of moods, but I don't understand this one."

"Moods?"

"Yeah, can't you give me a clue here?"

Nick scowled defiantly, but the flare of anger quickly subsided and he begrudgingly acknowledged to himself that it wasn't Cody he was mad at. He was mad at himself. "It's nothing," he said.

"Pretty impressive nothing."

"Look, I'm just tired, okay?"

"Tired?" the blond echoed. "Haven't you been sleeping?"

"I'm sleeping . . . some." Nick picked up his cold cheeseburger and took a bite.

Cody watched several conflicting emotions pass across Nick's expressive face. There was a lot more going on than he was implying. "Why do you think you're having trouble sleeping?"

"I don't know, Cody. I'm not a doctor."

"Maybe you should see one."

"I'm _not_ crazy," Nick growled.

"Hey, did I say you were?" Cody defended himself.

"Sheila's crazy. I'm not crazy."

"Sheila's not crazy," Cody bristled. "She just has some problems she has to work through, that's all."

"I don't call flippin' back and forth from June Cleaver to the Happy Hooker 'some problems.'"

"Look," Cody snapped, "let's just leave her out of this, okay?"

"Okay," Nick said, his expression pinching with frustration.

"I still don't see--"

Nick dropped his voice, the alcohol liberating the feelings that had been festering for several days. "Look, you're in love with her; how can you see what she really is?"

"Nick, what're you talking about? I told you when I was in the hospital, I was moving too fast. I. . ." He trailed off, but finished in a rush, "Look, I don't love her. I'm not sure I ever really did."

Nick shrugged.

Cody fished into his back pocket, pulling his wallet free and taking out a twenty to cover the meal and a tip. "Come on, I'll make us a pot of coffee and we can watch the last of the videos."

"Yeah, sure."

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Cody fixed the coffee and started a movie, but after a single cup Nick excused himself and retreated to their stateroom, claiming a headache. Finishing a second pot, the movie and a paperback, Cody tried to relax, but Nick's mood made it impossible. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to help, damn it.

Knowing that worrying about it wasn't going to fix the problem, Cody headed down to bed, pausing in the bedroom doorway. Nick looked as miserable in sleep as he had at the dinner table.

With a heavy sigh, Cody undressed and climbed into his bunk. Maybe the dawn would bring some sunshine, and a few answers.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Cody blinked awake, listening for the source of the adrenaline rush forcing him out of the quiet of sleep.

There. It was Nick, thrashing under his covers.

In the dim light of dawn, he could see the sweat covering Nick's face, and the undisguised horror folding his expression into a mask of despair.

Without warning, Nick cried out as he jerked up.

Sliding out of his bed, Cody shrugged on his bathrobe and moved to Nick's bunk. He sat down, saying softly. "Hey, Nick, it's okay, buddy."

The man's blue eyes sprang open, and he stared at Cody, a horrified expression on his face.

"It's okay," Cody repeated, sliding closer, worry making his heart beat faster.

Nick took a deep breath, but it caught in a half-sob. Cody inched even closer and Nick bowed his head, grabbing onto the front of the blond's bathrobe.

Cody's arms circled the frightened man, drawing him into a safe haven and rocking him from side to side before Cody even realized what he was doing. His hands rubbed Nick's shaking, sweat-damp back through the cotton T-shirt he was wearing.

"Easy," Cody soothed, tightening his grip. "It's okay, Nick, it was just a bad dream. It's all over."

Nick nodded against Cody's chest, then suddenly went rigid. He pulled back, breaking the contact. "What're you doing?"

"Me?" Cody asked, completely confused. "You woke me up."

Nick scooted further back. "Sorry. I'm, uh, I'm fine. You can go back to bed."

Cody stood, his hands finding shelter in his pockets. "You know, if you talk about them, your nightmares might go away."

"Oh, really?" Nick asked sarcastically.

"Yeah." Cody sat down on the edge of his own bunk. "Look, when I was a kid, I had this cousin, Toby. He used to sleep in my room when we'd go up to Arrowhead for the summer. I had nightmares a lot back then, but when I told him about them, they stopped." He waited a moment to see if Nick would open up. When it appeared he wouldn't, he slipped his robe back off and lay down.

"Cody. . .?"

He rolled his head to the side so he could see his partner. "Yeah?"

"Maybe I should tell you."

 _At last, a first step!_ "Good idea," Cody said aloud, sitting up.

Nick leaned back against the corner, extending his legs out in front of him. "Was your family big on hugging, that kind of thing?"

"No, not really . . . well, except my mom. You know how she is."

"Not my family," Nick said, looking across the dimly lit room, knowing he was opening himself to a world of hurt. "That's kind of what I was dreaming about. I'm flying -- a Huey most of the time, but it changes -- and everyone keeps falling out. No matter what I do, I can't stop the chopper from pitching. They're all yelling at me to help them, but I can't. It's all I can do to keep the chopper in the air. I mean, there's flack everywhere, the windscreen's shattered, I can't see what's going on, where I am. . ." He stopped abruptly, rubbing a trembling hand across his face to remove the beads of sweat that had broken out on his skin.

"Then what?" Cody prompted softly. "I fall out, too?"

"Yeah," Nick admitted in a whisper.

"And?"

"I get the chopper on the ground, and I'm trying to find you, but I can't. I'm-- I'm all alone."

"You're not alone, Nick," Cody said, moving from his bunk to his friend's. Reaching out, he rested his hand on Nick's leg.

"There are all these pieces of people scattered around . . . I-- I find you, and . . . you're dead. There wasn't--" Nick's voice caught and he started to shake.

Cody squeezed his leg. "It's okay, Nick, it was just a dream. A bad one, but it's not real. You aren't getting rid of me that easy," he added sincerely. "Hell, if I haven't fallen out of the _Mimi_. . ."

Nick let his eyes drop closed, knowing if he tried to laugh he'd only cry.

"Hey, why don't you get some rest, huh? We haven't got anything that needs to be done today."

"Yeah, sure," Nick agreed. "I don't feel so good."

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Twice more Nick woke out of nightmares, and twice more Cody eased his fears away. When he finally rose, early Thursday afternoon, he found Cody stretched out in the salon, fast asleep.

Looking down at the man, Nick shuddered, the sudden attraction he felt surprising, exciting and frightening him. Cody and Murray were the only people he really cared about, the only people who really understood and accepted him for who and what he was. And Cody understood him better than Murray.

The almost palpable desire to reach out and touch the man's face drove Nick to take a step back.

 _Where are these feelings coming from?_ he demanded. _It's crazy! It's wrong!_

He turned and stalked to the kitchen. _Time to wake up and smell the coffee_ , Nick told himself.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Cody lay quietly, sensing rather than seeing Nick's appraisal of him. He could imagine his friend standing over him in jeans and a worn T-shirt, his dark hair still disheveled from sleep, dangling over the blue eyes. . .

 _What the hell?_ Cody roughly shoved the thoughts away. _I must be getting a fever._

He listened as Nick's breathing became slightly erratic, matching his own. Then the brunet moved off to the galley and Cody lay quietly, listening as Nick started a meal. The strong aroma of coffee was quickly washed out by that of frying bacon. Cody's stomach rumbled and he swung off the couch, padding silently to the small kitchen.

Nick was working over the stove and Cody stepped up behind him. It felt strange, standing so close to him, but it was like Nick was a magnet and the pull to touch him was beyond Cody's control.

Nick felt the same attraction and forcefully stopped himself from stepping back to lean against the man. "So, you're finally up, huh?" he teased, tensing against the sudden desire to turn around and hug Cody.

Cody watched Nick's muscles tense. "Yeah, kind of nice for a change, wasn't it? Sleeping late, that is."

"You earned it, babysitting me all morning."

"Hey, what're friends for?" Cody asked, reaching out to rest his hands on Nick's shoulders. He started rubbing. "Jesus, Nick, you've got to relax."

"I am relaxed."

"If this is relaxed, I'd hate to see you tense." Cody rubbed with strong strokes across the top of the man's shoulders, then along his collar bones. He felt Nick shiver. "Cold?"

"Yeah, a little," Nick said. "Could you turn the heater up? I have to watch the bacon."

"Sure," he replied, but he didn't want to break the physical contact and it took a real effort to step away.

Cody returned quickly to find Nick deftly removing the thick strips of bacon, laying them out on a paper towel-covered plate. Finishing, Nick set the tongs aside and reached for the plate, but Cody stopped him, reaching out to grasp the brunet's wrist.

Their eyes met, and Cody gently pulled Nick into a tentative hug.

At first Nick didn't respond, enduring the embrace with unnatural stiffness, but then he relaxed, his arms coming up to return the hug with equal fervor.

"It's good to be alive, you know?" Cody said softly.

Nick nodded. "The bacon's gonna get cold. We have to keep your strength up."

Cody chuckled and stepped back. "Are you going to tell me what's really bothering you?"

"I'm working on it."

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

After the late breakfast, Cody washed the dishes while Nick dried. Neither man spoke, but the tension between them was finally gone. Outside, the gray skies emptied, rain falling in a steady hard drizzle.

Finished in the galley, they headed up to the salon where they spent the rest of the day relaxing in the comfortable atmosphere of chosen silence and shared space.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

That night it was Cody's turn to dream. At first he and Nick were working, something about a whale stranded on the freeway. Quinlin was there, threatening to arrest them if they didn't get the whale back into the water before rush hour. But then the images shifted, diving into the tangled web of his frustrations and insecurities.

He came awake with a yell.

Nick was there. "Cody, are you all right?"

Cody nodded, waiting to catch his breath before he spoke. When he did, he gave the man a sheepish smile. "Guess it's my turn for nightmares."

"Bad one?"

"Yeah, but I don't remember any details. What time is it?"

"Almost six."

"Damn . . . I wish I could remember what it was about."

Nick reached out and rested his hand on the man's shoulder. "It's over, just forget it."

Cody nodded.

"Want some coffee?"

"In a minute," the blond whispered. "Stay here a second, okay?"

"Uh, sure."

Nick noticed the sweat on his partner's face and the pale ring around the man's mouth. Reaching out, he pressed his hand against Cody's cheek. "You feel okay? You look like you have a fever."

"Fever?" Cody echoed, reaching up to feel his own forehead.

"Maybe it's just the nightmare, but if it gets any worse, you're going back to the doctor."

"Not unless I absolutely have to," Cody mumbled. Looking up, he found himself nose to nose with his partner. Without thinking, he leaned forward, letting his lips brush his friend's.

Nick jumped back like he's been burned.

Their gazes met, silent questions and needs passing between them like arcs of electricity. Cody reached out first, gently touching the man's face. Then, slipping his hand around Nick's neck, he pulled the man closer.

Nick was hesitant, but he leaned forward just enough for their lips to meet a second time. The kiss was tentative and quick, the two men moving apart again. Neither spoke.

Nick responded first, reaching out and drawing his partner into a tight hug, rocking the blond just like Cody had rocked him when he was caught in the memories of his own nightmare.

Cody's arms came up, encircling him. They fitted comfortably against each other. Soft hair tickled his nose as Cody pressed his cheek against Nick's shoulder.

"What're we doing, Cody?"

"I'm not sure," the blond admitted. "But I don't want to stop. Do you?" He shivered when fingers combed through his hair, trailing down the back of his neck.

"You cold?" Nick asked, his voice soft and thick with longing.

"Yeah, a little."

Nick leaned forward, forcing Cody to lie down along the wall and stretched out next to him. Cody nestled against Nick's side, resting his head on the blond's shoulder and draping an arm over his chest.

"Better?" Nick asked.

"Uh-huh."

Cody relaxed, enjoying the closeness. He let his free hand rub Nick's arm and felt Ryder rub his back in response. "Hmm, that feels great."

"Shh," Nick whispered, moving so he could reach all of Cody's back.

Cody's hand moved to Nick's chest, his fingers moving through the dark hair. It was Nick's turn to moan softly, and Cody shifted, freeing his other hand to explore his partner's chest in more detail.

Nick rolled onto his side, and acting on impulse, kissed Cody's forehead.

Cody tilted his head back so their lips met again, more curious than afraid this time. Tongues teased and parted, the two men breathing heavily. The blond briefly considered getting up to turn the heater down, but instead he reached up, cupping the back of Nick's head and drawing him into a longer, deeper kiss.

They pressed against each other, two pairs of hands roaming freely. Cody let himself be pushed onto his back, weaving his fingers through Nick's hair, the strands shining in the light of another gray day.

Nick's hands moved over Cody's warm, bare skin, kneading and tickling. Here and there bruises still lingered.

Cody shifted under the manipulation, his body twisting in reply. He forced himself to concentrate enough to pick up where he'd left off, vague concerns over what they were doing rising and falling, but they were overwhelmed by stronger feelings and needs. His fingers drew circles around Nick's nipples, forcing them into hard beads.

Nick arched back, sucking in a broken breath.

Taking advantage of the moment, Cody dropped a quick kiss on the hollow of the man's throat.

They shifted, Nick tracing his tongue across Cody's exposed shoulder, causing the man's hips to buck up off the bed.

"Ahh," Cody growled.

Nick chuckled, one hand reaching down to rake along the man's thigh. The growl died as a moan and Nick found himself pinned under the smoldering gaze of his partner -- the look in the blond's eyes was frightening and exciting in the same instant.

Cody bent forward, catching one of Nick's still hard nipples between his teeth and felt the man's already erect cock jerk in reply. Letting his hands roam down over the brunet's hard, flat abdomen, he collected his courage and pushed his briefs down just far enough to brush the first strands of pubic hair.

Nick pressed against Cody's hand.

They paused, aware of how far they'd come and where it was obviously leading. Cody's blue eyes shone brightly in the dawn light. A rumble of thunder shook the boat, vibrating through the bed.

Nick grinned, resting a hand on Cody's thigh, his fingers gripping the bare skin while the other reached up to grab his partner's shoulder, pulling him down.

"You're sure?" Cody whispered.

"Yeah."

Cody leaned forward, his mouth capturing Nick's while his fingers, quaking with half-uncontrolled excitement, explored further.

Brief-covered hips pressed and ground against each other. Nick trembled with anticipation when Cody's covered cock slid along his. He gripped the blond's back, pulling him closer, his fingers digging into the man's well-muscled ass.

Cody's lips curled off his teeth and he growled deep in his throat and thrust forward. Nick matched the move, one hand slipping between them to squeeze Cody's cock.

After a few nervous, fumbling movements, they managed to work their underwear off.

Nick reached for Cody again, the blond's cock filling his hand. He rubbed it with long, slow strokes.

Cody's hand found Nick and together they set a rhythm that couldn't last.

Their climax was quick and frantic.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Cody woke first. Checking the radio alarm, he was surprised to see it was nearly noon. Nick was sleeping, curled up and facing away from him.

With a smile, he reached out and traced a finger down his partner's exposed shoulder.

"Huh?" Nick slurred, his head coming up off the pillow a little.

"Nothing, go back to sleep," Cody whispered, but Nick uncurled, stretching and checking the clock.

Cody was suddenly afraid. What would Nick do? What would he think?

"No wonder my stomach's growling," he mumbled, relieving some of Cody's anxiety. "It's already lunchtime and I missed breakfast."

"Not to mention all that exercise."

"I'm not sorry," Nick said firmly.

"Me either."

"Good. But can we go eat?"

Cody chuckled softly. "Sure."

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Friday passed like Thursday, the detectives lounging in the salon. As it grew dark, the pair began nervous conversation.

Nick took the initiative. "I'm going to bed. What about you?"

Cody nodded, his cheeks going red. "Uh, yeah, me too."

Nick stood, draining what was left in his coffee cup before carrying it to the galley. Cody followed him, depositing his own cup on the counter next to Nick's and retreated to the stateroom.

Stripping off his sweat pants and T-shirt, Cody snuggled under the sheets, waiting to see what Nick would do.

Nick entered and climbed into his own bed.

Both men lay, staring up at the ceiling. Cody reached up and turned off the light above his bed. Nick did the same.

"What did we do?" Cody asked into the darkness.

"I don't know."

"It was crazy."

"I know."

"Are we going to stop?"

"Do you want to?" Nick asked, afraid Cody would say yes.

"No."

Nick released the breath he'd been holding. "Neither do I."

They lay in silence for several more minutes before Nick eased out of bed and joined Cody, both men wishing the bunks were bigger.

Cody reached for him, surprised to find his partner nude. Taking the man's half-erect cock, he rolled it between his hands. Nick bucked forward, his own hands finding plenty to keep him occupied.

"Stop," Nick panted after a minute or two. "Not so fast this time."

"Okay," Cody breathed, kissing down Nick's throat and across his chest. "That better?"

"Yes," Nick gulped.

When Cody's lips brushed over his fully erect cock, Nick's fingers curled into the sheets, his hips lifting off the bed.

Cody worked his way down the pulsing shaft, leaving behind a trail of soft kisses before slipping as much into his mouth as he could. He set a steady, slow pace to their lovemaking.

Nick matched the pace, rubbing from the tip of the man's cock down to the desire-tightened testicles.

Cody paused, nibbling on the head of Nick's cock.

Nick let his hand rub over the man's firm ass, his finger poking at the tight sphincter. Cody jumped forward, but then pressed back against the teasing finger.

Nick stroked his partner's cock while he slipped the finger just barely in and out, tickling his ass. Cody came before Nick felt his own hot liquid fill his partner's mouth. They collapsed next to each other, satisfied and comfortable. Nick curled around Cody and slipped off to sleep.

Cody lay awake, hoping he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life. Nick had uncovered a side of his life the blond had denied for over fifteen years. He'd been a teenager the last time he'd been attracted to another man, and over the years he'd told himself it was a passing fancy, nothing more. Now he wasn't so sure.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Nick sat on the fantail, sipping his coffee as the world beyond the _Riptide_ woke up and started another day, oblivious to the fact that he'd spent the last two nights making love to a man, his partner.

 _I've gotta be crazy!_

But it was good, so good. And he felt safe with Cody, safe and whole -- at last.

He tossed out what was left of his cold coffee. _But how did he know?_ he wondered. _If he's just doing this to make me feel better. . ._

"Ah, there you are," the blond said, stepping out to join his partner. "Beautiful morning, isn't it?"

Nick nodded.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're a lousy liar, Nick."

He smiled briefly. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"So, what is it?"

"Us."

Cody felt his stomach clinch. "Why?"

"This means a helluva a lot to me."

"Me, too."

"What'd I do?"

"I don't understand," Cody said, sliding in to sit next to him.

"Why did you . . . you know."

Cody thought for a moment, and then brightened. "You mean this was the problem?"

Nick nodded. "When you and Sheila-- I knew what I was feeling was-- I didn't know how to tell you, and then the accident, and--"

"Oh, man," Cody chuckled. "We're really something, aren't we?"

"I guess."

"Nick, you didn't _do_ anything. I didn't have a clue."

"But--"

"I guess it was thinking about that summer when I was a kid." He met Nick's curious gaze. "Toby and I used to . . . I thought it was just a phase, but it's not. Do you see us in a long term commitment?"

"Yeah, but you can have all the space you need. I don't want to hold you to anything."

"You think we can make this work?"

"I don't know. I'll try . . . will you?"

"You know I will," Cody said with a sexy grin. "But what're we going to tell Murray?"

Nick's eyes widened. "I-- I don't know."

"Me either."

"Guess we'll just have to wing it."

"We could always show him," Cody suggested.

Nick's eyes rounded. "No!"

"I was just kidding."

Nick laughed. "Good, because I know exactly what he'd do."

"What?"

"Cody, how does that work?" Nick said, imitating the man. "What did that do? Can you do this?"

Cody roared. "You're right! You're absolutely right!"

Nick stood. "So, I guess we'd better go do some research."

"Why?"

"So we'll have the answers when the time comes, of course."

Cody stood with a smile. "Well, then, what're we waiting for? We've got all day! The library's--"

"Cody," Nick interrupted. "I meant go to bed."

"Oh," the blond replied sheepishly. "In that case . . . lead the way."

"The blind leading the blind?"

Cody shrugged. "Think of it as a crash course in Braille. . . ."

THE END


End file.
